Reading Minds
by vinnie the geek
Summary: Raven reads the other's minds to find out what they really think of one another. Rated for naughty language...nothing graphic-but feel free to use your imagination...Raven x BB! Cyborg x Starfire! Raven x Starfire?
1. Breakfast

Warning: This story contains bad words, and nasty comments. Please go somewhere else if you do not like low humor.

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**Reading Minds**

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I have made a decision to do something I promised myself never to do. Since I'm keeping this stupid diary anyway, I figured I should make it truthful. I get so pissed off at the outrageous behavior of my teammates, sometimes. They can be so immature. And I know that everyone (myself excepted, of course,) is constantly saying things they don't mean.

All the people in this city think it's so cool to be a Teen Titan. They think it's so great that we are all good friends, that we always help and support one another. Everything is always coming up roses for us.

Well, I was thinking-if we are so popular, perhaps someday, someone will want to make our adventures into a comic: or even a TV show! If that ever happens, I will be able to present them with the real scoop on the Titans-what they are really like; what we really _think._

I am going to read their minds. We'll see just what Robin _really _thinks of Beastboy's ridiculous antics. What Cyborg really feels about Robin being the self-appointed leader. What Starfire thinks about-what does she think about?

Anyway, starting today, we shall see who the _real _Teen Titans are…

Monday-1/25/05

A few 'interesting' revelations before I even made it down to the kitchen. BB was pleading with Star to let him use the bathroom, even though he knew she always showers in the morning.

A few of his (admittedly) random thoughts. 'I hope she comes to the door without her towel again.' 'I bet Raven has nicer tits, though.' 'Can't wait to kick metalhead's ass in _Robo Racers _today-he'll never figure out how I rigged his controller'

Downstairs, Cyborg was making breakfast. Robin was sitting at his 'crime computer' of course. I went to make my usual herbal tea.

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Cyborg greeted me"Hey, Raven-what's shakin'

Thought'How the hell can she live on that crap? Stuck-up whiner- always refusing to eat breakfast with us.'

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Me: (I guess I should be fair.) Hey, Cy.

Thought'Fuck off! Would it _kill_ you to think to boil a pot of water for my tea'

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Robin: Oh, hi Raven.

Thought'I gotta find Slade before someone else does. That'll show those other dumb-asses, when I'm right, again. I am so cool, heh heh.'

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Me: Hi, Robin.

Thought'If you were so freakin' smart maybe you would notice that Starfire is _dying_ for you to fuck her brains out.'

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Starfire and Beastboy came down for breakfast at almost the same time. Gee, I wonder why?

Beastboy said 'hi' to everyone. Starefire 'greeted' each of us individually, as is her habit.

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Beastboy: I only smell meat cooking. Aren't you making me anything?

Thought'Asshole'

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Cyborg"No. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't do that Tofu crap"

Thought'I bet he wishes he could kick my ass-ha ha.'

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Beastboy"Thanks for being so thoughtful, as usual."

Thought'I am so gonna kick his ass, someday…'

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Starfire"Friends, please do not fight."

Thought'Friends, please do not fight.' (Well-now we know.)

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Beastboy and Cyborg, having given Starfire's plea due consideration, proceeded to yell and scream and threaten one another, as usual.

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Robin"Can't you guys just get along like the rest of us"

Thought'Idiots.'

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My thought'Idiots.'

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Starfire thought'Fluffy clouds-pink, fluffy clouds.'

Well, you get the idea…

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Don't worry, there's more where this came from. But first, I need my review fix.

Let's say, oh, 6 reviews before I post the next chappie? Be nice, now...


	2. Underwear?

Thank you very much, all you great reviewers! Got lots really fast, so here is the next installment of 'Reading Minds.'

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Next up, the glorious chapter:

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**'Underwear.'**

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Sat around reading after breakfast. The two 'mental giants' played video games. Robin went to train-just to be different. (I'm sorry. In case you didn't know-that was sarcasm.) Starfire stayed to pester me.

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No use reading the boy's minds-nothing in their minds but a constant stream of expletives, as they each try to out-do the other at 'cheating.' Excuse me-I mean 'winning.'

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Starfire: Raven? Do you think that Robin will ever ask me to-um-kiss?

Thought: 'kiss me all over my naked body…'

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Me: "What color underwear do I have on?"

Thought: 'Tamarand-Cutie-Pie-Slut.'

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Starfire: "Umm, I don't know, Raven."

Thought: 'Does she not know?'

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Me: "See, you just answered your own question, Star. Now may I read in peace?"

Thought: 'Go away now…'

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Starfire: "I am confused…"

Thought: '…Grobnag (Bitch)…'

Starfire: …"friend. But I shall respect your wishes, and leave you, now."

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A little later that afternoon we got an alert. It seems some 'supervillian' moron had moved from Gotham to Jump City-looking for greener pastures, I suppose. Calls himself 'Venom.'

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Robin: "Titans, go!"

Thought: 'I am so cool.'

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Starfire thought: '…so cute…'

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Cyborg thought: 'I should be the leader, instead of that lame-ass pantywaste.'

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Beastboy Thought: 'How come wonderboy always gets to say 'Titans go?''

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My thought: 'Ugh! So sick of hearing that…'

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As usual, Starfire and I arrived at the scene first, followed by Beastboy. The testosterone twins had to take their respective 'rides.'

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Venom wasn't trying to steal anything, just causing general mayhem-and a few deaths. No big. I trapped him in an energy-bubble. Mission accomplished. Yay, me.

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Starfire: "Friend Raven-that was well done!"

Thought: 'for once. Where is Robbie-Pooh?'

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Beastboy: "Hey! I didn't even get to do anything!"

Thought: '-at least I didn't get my ass kicked again…'

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Robin and Cyborg finally arrived. The wonderbird felt it necessary to interrogate 'his' prisoner.

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Robin: "Why did you leave Gotham? What are you doing in my-er-our city?"

Thought: 'Cool suit man!'

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Venom: "Everyone there is ganging up on me. Spiderman, Carnage, Shreik, the Cops-Dexter, the boy wonder. It sucks being the supervillian that even supervillians love to hate..."

Thought: "We knew we could pound your punk ass-we didn't know about the goth chick with the magic shit. Hmmm…maybe we should leave this loser, and switch…"

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Robin instructed Beastboy to summon the police, and escort Venom to his new 'home.'

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Beastboy: "Why do I have to?..."

Thought: 'Why do I have to?..."

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Robin: (frowning)

Thought: 'It's so cool being the leader...'

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Cyborg: (laughing) "Cause you're the little green one."

Thought: 'Why don't you tell Robin to fuck himself, pussy?'

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Beastboy: "Why don't you go stick your finger in a light socket-you're not so bright?"

Thought: 'I should tell him _and_ Robin to go fuck themselves-and then kick their asses. Why can't I be more like Raven? She wouldn't take this shit.'

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My thought: 'Hmmm-I guess BB has some sense, after all. Or good taste, at least…'

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Starefire: "I will help, friend Beastboy..."

Thought: 'Pink fluffy bunnies...'

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There you have it. Now review-you know the drill...Vin


	3. Starfire strikes again!

Disclaimer: Don't, won't, I wish.

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Sorry, I know, it took forever... . To all reviewers-you are amazing! Thank you! (Individual awards will be handed out later.)

A few notes on characterizations: I am exaggerating everyone's traits-Robin is obsessive and vain (you would be too, if you were raised by someone as disturbed as Batman.) Starfire is naive, not stupid-and painfully cheerful.(In this story, stupid suffices, however.) Cyborg is moody and resentful of the fact that he is a freak(.Therefore he is too normal and serious a character, so I generallyneglect him.) Beastboy is a childish nitwit.(But cute and lots of fun to pick on.)

To anyone who has noted that I mixed-up DC and Marvel characters (and CN originals,) I am not a retard-I just don't care what you think! Re-read the story carefully, and you will discover that it is meant to be humorous... Vin.

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On with the fun...

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A-S- S-A-G-E- O- F -T -I- M- E-

Flight home uneventful. Starefire still thinking 'Candyland' thoughts.

Went to my room for awhile. Cyborg headed straight to the refrigerator, of course.

Robin said he was going to train.

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Thought: 'Dammit-who the hell does Raven think she is, starting without me? Must kick the crap out of something...'

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Starefire knocked on my door.

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Starfire: "Ummm, Raven-would you consent to talk to me now-"

Thought: '...thought you were my friend, _bitch_.'

Starfire: "...about friend Robin and the kissing?"

Thought: '...and explain why you want me to examine your underwear?'

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Me: "Yeah-whatever."

Thought: '-so you still didn't figure that one out, eh, Sherlock?'

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Starefire: "I am afraid that Robin may never ask me to perform the kissing. He always makes excuses whenever we seem to

be getting-uh-close?"

Thought: 'I am so freakin' horny! I wonder if friend Cyborg has a penis?'

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Me: "Ummmmmmmmm..."

Thought: 'Whoa-shit-didn't see that coming...'

Me: "Uhhh-I think you're just going to have to initiate 'the kissing' yourself, Star. Robin is kinda shy, I think."

Thought: "Or gay-or stuck on himself-or obsessive or..."

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Starfire: "?" (blank stare)

Thought: 'blank stare.'

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Me: 'Next time you feel-uh-'close,' just put your lips on his…"

Thought: 'do I really have to draw you a picture?'

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Starfire: "Like this?"

Thought: 'I like _her_, too-and she said just do it…"

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Suddenly, Starfire grabbed the back of my head and kissed me!

My thought: 'Ahhhh! My room is a freakin' mess!'

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Starfire: "friend Raven? Is that what they mean in the movie pictures, when they say 'the Earth moved?'

Thought: 'hee hee. That was fun!'

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Me: "Star, please don't ever do that again."

Thought: '-before we go to someplace safe, like the moon, where I can fuck your brains out.'

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Starfire pouted: "Was I not a good kiss for you?"

Thought: 'What were we talking about…?'

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Me: "No-It's not that, Star. I-just think that Robin and you have kind of been a pair for awhile, now. I think you owe it to

him to give him a chance…"

Thought: 'It's for the good of the team-right? He would flip out, losing his girlfriend to me…'

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Starfire: "Oh, I see, Raven. I shall talk to Robin, and see if he is wishing to kiss with me."

Thought: '-so confusing-pink, fluffy bunnies-pink, flu-oh! Raven was soooo cute when she was a bunny! No-must

concentrate on Robbie, my Pooh. Sigh-I am so confused…'

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Don't worry-there is more fun in store-I am just cleaning it up...

Reviewing-Just Do It!

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	4. Cyborg: Da Man!

Thank you for all your reviews! I would like to thank each and every one of you-thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyoutyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

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**Now for the fabulous ' props from Vin':**

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Lashay-Isaac-hope it's still interesting...

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Raven's Girlfriend-I like you. (marry me!) Oops, sorry.

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Mr Jellohead-yes, isn't it?

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Voltor-Your wish... . Keep reviewing!

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SweetEmotion6String-Sorry, no RobStar fluff. The rating is CYA...(and you're reading anyway, aren't you?)

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Inumaru12-Thanks, there's more...

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Outlawarcher-I crack me up, too.

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Chaos and Drake-Are you multiple personalities? We are not. Yes we are. You will like what is to come...

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Bill-What, me think? I just write to amuse myself...

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Creature Merger-I'm not listening...(puts hands over ears.) mmmmm-mmmmm-mmmmm!

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Roy1234-Thanks, man.

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Emmery-Confusing? Huh? What was I saying...? I can hear the electricity in the walls...

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Raven'sFaithfulSidekick-What! You were gone? Like your name...

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Lumpkin-Thanks, fuzzy.

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Quite-a-shame - Impressive. Didn't I insult you somewhere before? I respect your opinion. (Insane laughter.)

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given inside-Just _pretty _funny?

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Poison ivy princess-It's just for fun: if you read my bio-story, I give Starfire 2nd billing only to Raven...(I really like Star.)

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devilleader-you shouldn't put your e-mail on an 'anonymous' review-I just might write you...and ask you about 'funny in it's own way?'

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megan-I do, don't I? No, seriously, give me your phone number...

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Numbah half way hell-I am not confused-well yes, now I am? I don't like Raven/Star either-I love it! Hee. Don't worry, though, that was just a bit of silliness, you will like where it is going...I think?

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Bloodraven13-Yes, and thanks. No loss? Huh?

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Jhgj-I had that same problem, when I did LSD...

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CeeJTank-Why is confused all you are of? Thnaks, dna.

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Metal Dragon Kiryu-What's hilarious, my bio, or this? RE: RaeStar-read my story 'shattered.'

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Now-onto the fabulous, glorious, magnificent chapter entitled:

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**Cyborg: Da Man!**

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...L...A...T...E...R...E...R...

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A little 'eavesdropping' on Cyborg, downstairs in the garage:

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Cyborg: (whistling)

Thoughts: Yeah, baby! You are so beautiful. I know Robin's jealous. Idiot. Hah! (Looking at himself once again, in the T-car's

mirror.) I should go make my move on Star right now. I know she _so_ digs me: Toucan Sam don't stand a chance...'

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Me: (makes 'bleah' face)

Thought-must-not-hurl-

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Starfire: "Robin? May I interrrupt your savage beating of the bag-of-punching? It is important to me that I..."

Thought: 'Hmm...Robin, or Raven, or Cyborg? So confusing. I hope Robbie-pooh can make the decision for me...'

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Robin: "What!"-puff-"Star, this isn't"-whew-"the best time..."

Thought: 'concentrate. Kick Slade's ass-be nice to Star. Hate Raven-I mean Slade-Love Star. Well, not LOVE love. I mean,

not kissing love. Or anything gross like that...'

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Starfire: "Well, then, if you do not have time for talking then parhaps I should find another boyfriend, like friend Cyborg, or

friend Raven!"

Thought: 'Idiot! I want you to grab my Grbonobs!'

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Robin: "Ummm... Raven is not a boy. Okay-let's talk."

Thought: 'C'mon! Think Robin, think! I can't tell her I...'

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My thought: 'Aha! I knew it!' (Evil smile.)

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Robin's thought: '...can't have sex when I'm cycling Andro...'

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My thought: 'Ohh-steroids! That explains why he has no-hee hee...'

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Slade's thought: 'They are called 'Nads,' my dear.'

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My thought: 'What the fuck! You're dead!'

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Slade's thought: 'Yes-you managed to convince Robin of that, didn't you? But are you sure now? Am I dead-and you're going

insane, or am I alive-and interrupting the flow of this story by some previously unknown mental powers? Or did 'Vin' just run

out of humorous dialogue? What do you think, Raven dear?'

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My thought: 'I don't have time for this shit-I am anxious to find out what transpires between Starfire and Robin!'

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Slade: 'Yes, of coure, dear. Pardon me. Continue with your eavesdropping...'

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Starfire: "Robin-why is it that you always must do something else whenever I wish for you to kiss with me?"

Thought: '...perhaps Raven, _and_ Cyborg?'

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Robin: "I-uh-respect you too much to-uh-take advantage of your-uh-trusting nature?"

Thought: 'She'll buy that, right? Man, I am such an Idiot!'

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Starfire: "Well then, perhaps I should look for someone who does not respect me!"

Thought: 'Taths wright, nisn't it?'

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Starfire: "I am going to leave now, and find a new boyfriend-or-or-or-Raven-friend."

Thought: 'girlfriend-but we are already girlfriends...?'

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Starfire left Robin alone, with his favorite person, and headed to the kitchen...

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-...T...H...I...I...S...A...P...A...S...S...A...G...o...f...T...I...M...E...

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Cyborg: "Hey, Star! Hey-how would you like-uhh, umm-you wan'a snack too?"

Thought: 'C'mon, Cy-don't be a chicken...'

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Starfire: "Friend Cyborg, perhaps I could talk to _you_ about boyfriending rituals?"

Thought: 'Come and get it now, before Raven does...'

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Cyborg: (Choking on milk) cough"-uh-yeah," cough. "I-(cough)-really like that Star. You wanna-"

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Starfire: "Yes!"

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Cyborg's thought: 'Damn, I am so smooth...'

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More exciting, confusing, weirdness to come!

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-Push the Blue button. Do it! Now! The Vin commands you!

Pretty Please?


	5. Attack of the Green Menace!

More Props:

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**Numbah half: **Sorry about that?

**Emmery: **What purplish thing are you holding there?

**Raven's Girlfriend:** You don't mind not getting any? Give me your phone number, and tell me again how you don't say that very often...Seriously, I seem to have a serious compulsion to write RaeStar-I'm sure there will be more stories...

**Chaos and Drake:** You two should talk to Numbah half way hell...

**Metal Dragon Kiryu:** Sorry, but...

**devilleader:** What? You think I will stop bugging you that easy?

**Leshay-Isaac: **Take a breath, man... No-keep laughing!

**Red X: **Take a breath, man... No, really-it's almost here...

**Blaze the destroya:** Plot? I knew I forgot something...and I'm writing as fast as I can (while milking you for reviews)

**XfalconX: **Yeah, that's the way I feel, too.

**Terra Logan: **Okay, give me your phone number too!

**Realmy:** Is Starfire amusing, or you?

**Arika of the demons:** If you think this is weird...evil laughter

**Malcom Xan'thex: **Yes- but a good weird demented way, right? BTW-do you know Liljimmyurine?

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And now, the fabulously ridiculous, confusing chapter of:

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**Attack of the green menace!**

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Meanwhile, in my room...

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Beastboy: (Knocking.) "Hey Raven? Umm, are you busy?"

Thought: 'please don't let her kill me...'

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Me: (Opening the door and trying not to glare too menacingly.) "Ummm..."

Thought: 'Oh Gd-is he hiding something behind his back?'

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Beastboy: (Sweating profusely.) Remember when-um-I went in you mirror, and you didn't kill me, and said we were friends,

and your happy self said I was funny, and your sad self said she was sorry for always being mean to me and kicking my ass..."

Thought: 'I am soo dead.'

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Me: (Nodding)

My thought: 'Idon't like where this is going-maybe I should glare a little more...'

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Beastboy: "...and then when that Malchoir-dude, well, um-like broke your heart-but he didn't, and I said you were waaay

creepy, but you still had us-me- as your friend, and you hugged me, and I fainted, and then-and the- whenever I turned into

that Were-wolf-thingy and I rescued you from the other Were-wolf-thingy; but everyone else thought that I tried to hurt you,

but you said "no-I saved you"- and then you came to me on the beach and told me I was a man, and that we were haveing a

'moment,' and I said you could call me Beast-Man or Beast-Dude, and you said..."

Thought: 'Just keep talking-and maybe she won't hurt you until after-'

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Me: "Wait, BB. Are you trying to make some kind of point here?"

Thought: 'OMG! I think he' serious-WE should kick his ass, now-NO! I mean _I_ should kick his ass...'

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Beastboy: "Yeah, well-uhh-um-I wanted to ask you-ummm...and here, these are for you."

Thought: (Cowering) 'Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch...'

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Me: "Flowers?"

Thought: '...brave little shit. Uncharacteristic...'

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Beastboy: "You want to go to a-a-a movie, or something?"

Thought: 'I did it! I'm still alive! And I didn't faint...'

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Me: "Uhhm-I guess it wouldn't kill me-but _I pick_ the movie, and you _will not _try any crap like touching me, or anything..."

Thought: 'Did I just say 'okay?''

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Beastboy: (Fainting)

Thought: '...yet..

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Robin chose that very moment to pass by, on his way to take a shower.

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Robin: "What did you do to Beastboy? (Eyes widening.) And are those-flowers you're holding?"

Thought: 'I wish someone would give me flowers...'

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Me: "BB just fainted, because I said I would go somewhere with him, or something."

Thought: '...ha-ha, my flowers...'

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Beastboy: "Did I miss it?"

Thought: 'Let's see-I knocked on Raven's door, and...'

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Robin: "Miss what, Beastboy?"

Thought: 'Say it-say it!'

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Beastboy: "Our date-me and Raven."

Thought: 'I didn't mean _date-please_ don't kill me, Raven.'

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Robin's thought: 'Yes! He said it! Hee-hee.'

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Me: "Who said anything about a _date_! I agreed to go to a movie-that's it!"

Thought: '...but if you behave yourself...well-someone might die while trying to make love to me-wanna prove your

bravery...?'

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Robin: (snicker)

Thought: 'She's gonna kick his ass!'

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Me: "You find something amusing, Wonderbread?"

Thought: 'Maybe I _will_ kick someone's ass, after all...'

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Robin: "NO! I mean yes! It's funny that Beastboy doesn't know-"

Thought: 'Great save-yess! Stay sharp, Dickie... .'

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My thought: 'Fluffy pink... Shit! Get out of my head! Damn you, Starfire!'

Me: "I'll be ready at 5:30, Beastboy."(Glaring)" You were going somewhere, Robin- Somewhere else?"

Thought: '...now, moron...'Dickie?'...'

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Robin: "Oh yeah. Shower."

Though: "Yes-clean is good. Clean body-clean mind."

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Please, you must review for me...or die! Thank you ever so much..

Vin


	6. Get a Room

**Disclaimer:** This is Vin's brain. I take no responsibility for the actions of the one you know as 'Vinnie the geek.' He is a lunatic, and I will have nothing to do with him. We have not communicated in some time now, actually...Oh yes: Don't, won't, I wish.

Note from Vin: Don't listen to him-and to all you young ladies...please send photos to me, preferably without...ouch! Stop it! Stupid brain!

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**Props: (Note: Vinnie writes these wise-ass remarks, not me.)**

**bj: **Thanks! But come now-we all know those are not a real person's initials...

**kasumi: **Thank you. Apparently, other things are random, too...

**devilleader: **Thanks, and nice try...What the hell did you mean!

**Darkest Midnight: **Thank you. I will try to write more soon-if the little shit brain of mine will quit bugging...

**DeMoN4EvA: **Vin says thanks, but what-you want more idiots like Vin running loose on the streets-Brain.

**Terra Logan:** Thank you! Please send me some of this 'hyper.' I need it... . Hey! You didn't send your phone number! I wonder why...? Brain: because she is smarter than you-she knows you are a perv...

**Metal Dragon Kiryu:** I'm sorry, did you say something? Brain: Stupid! He wants to know about your last smartass remark! Vin: Oh yeah! Sorry, I don't see anymore about the moon coming up-in this story! Ha! Ouch! Stupid brain...

**Raven's Girlfriend: **Thank you! I'm not really a pervert-I just want to... OucH! Cut it out brain!

**Olivia: **Thanks for reviewing.Being properly chastened, I shallstop begging...did I tell you I**LOVE** your name? Oh, and I am not a chickenshit! I am more of a pussy...

**Squeegee779: **Thanks. Your name is pretty funny, too!

**Emmery:** Hey-steal your own Woody Allen cracks!

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**KaiWren: **Thank you **soooo** much! I so dearly appreciate your unparalleled offer, but sadly, I cannot love a woman like you. I was so touched, that I almost wish-well, yousee, I pretend to be straight so that people will not think me weird, but in reality, I am a male lesbian...

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**Drake:** You rock!

**Chaos:** You suck!

**Malcore Xan'thex:** No, no, no! Liljimmy does not hate goths! Ummm-how did you find that out, anyway... wink. Brain.

**BlackNinja:** Original? Well-hey, I won't tell... Thanks. And if you want to see more of my work, you have my permission...

**Saint H: **You don't have to be all formal-just call me 'Lord.' And since you said I am brilliant, I will identify this story as female...yes, definitely female...

**Numbah Half:** Dude! That was my head! I'm so wasted!

**DarkWindingRose: **Thank you! Keep laughing. What was that about Raven Starfire?

**Romantic-raven:** Thanks! But you learn something new every day...you are the 2nd who mentioned the line 'clean body-clean mind.' I tried desperately to replace that, because I thought it was so cliché...or lame...go figure...

**iamkagomeiloveinuyasha: **Whoa! Your name hurts brain. This is funny-

"om u gotta continue it please gotta bonce bye"

What the hell does it mean?

**BLAZE THE DESTROYA:** I can't wait either...but I have no freakin' idea what comes next...Ouch! Brain,stop!

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On to the story!

Part 6, entitled:

**'Get a room!'**

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(Raven narrating.)(Confused? Raven is 'Me.' Ouch! Brain, you shithead! They said they were confused!)

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When I came downstairs at 5:30, Starfire was still attacking Cyborg on the couch.

Oh, I'm sorry-did I skip that part? Let's rewind a little...

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...E...A...R...L...I...E...R...

Cyborg: "So, Star baby-what'cha wanna do...?" (Sauntering out into the great room.)

Thought: 'Hmmm, maybe a movie-bet she'll let me hold her hand...'

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Starfire: "Let us begin with the kissing-"

Thought: 'whoohoo!'

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Cyborg: (Backing up.) Ummm-now?"

Thought: 'Did I put on 'anti...?' Do I need 'anti...?'

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Starfire: (Leaping on Cyborg, causing him to fall backwards, onto the couch with Starfire on top of him.) "NOW! snarl."

Thought: 'Are all Earth-boys are such chickenshits?'

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Cyborg: "Mrghrrrphmm!"

Thought: 'Wow! Man, them thangs are big! I wonder if I could like-mm-grab 'em...?'

-

-

There, now that you are all caught up to date...shall we continue?

-

-

...B...A...C...K...O...N...T...H...E...C...O...U...C...H

-

-

Cyborg didn't seem to be too upset with Starfire's being so-uh-forward, though...

-

Cyborg: "Mmgghrrhhphhhnnn..."

Thought: '-can't-breathe-'

-

Starfire: "Mmgghrrhhphhhnnn..."

Thought: 'Are you feeling theexitement from my attentions-or is that a hydraulic jack...?'

-

Me: "Ugh."

Thought: 'Run away...'

-

Beastboy: "Whoa! Dudes-get a room!"

Thought: 'I sure hope Raven can't tell what I'm thinking right now...'

-

Robin: "Hey guys! What's going-onnnn..."

Thought: 'Dudes-get a room!'

-

Me: "Star and Cy have discovered teen lust. Me and 'B' are going to a movie. And, no-you are not invited."

Thought: 'Pick up your tongue-oh, and watch whereyou put thathand-'

-

Beastboy's thought: 'Just be cool. Don't say anything stupid. Don't say anything.'

Beastboy: "She called me 'B!' Cool! Oh shit-that was supposed to be another thought... ."

-

My thought: '-sniff-my little 'Beastboy' is growing up-'

Me: "Later, 'Pooh.'"

-

Robin: "-k-gluuu-"

Thought: '-he's-he's grabbing her ass-Wait- 'Pooh?'- 'B?'"

-

Cyborg: "Mrghrrrphmm."

Thought: 'Must-get-a-room-'

-

Starfire: "Have a wonderful ti-Eeeeek! Mmwwrhrrr..."

Thought: 'Do that again, my hard man of titanium!'

-

'Dickie's' thought: 'Sigh-cold shower-again...'

-

Me: "Bye, Star-later Cy."

Thought: 'Ugh-Get a room!'

-

-

Okay-no more begging for reviews.

Brain: Ignore him-review! Brain demands it! Tell Vinnie he sucks!

-Vinnie's brain

-


	7. Wanna See My Tennis Racket?

Wow! You reviewers have been so great, I am going to break from my standard, and give you a longer chapter! Now get off my back! And don't complain if it takes longer to update...I have standards to uphold-hahah-snicker-hee hee-Sorry...

Disclaimer: I don't care. Brain does not care (he has been sedated.)

Other disclaimer: I apologize for the confusatating format-this infernal site will not permit me to change it...

Please check out my utterly fabulous new updated bio page. (The new stuff's on the botttom.) You can send me e-mails pleading for your favorites!

Allrighty; lets get on with the fabulous **'Shoutouts!'**

**Malcore Xan'thex:** Thanks, but if I was doing good work I wouldn't be here...sigh.

**Romantic-raven:** Don't know quite what to say. Oh, yeah-you do what 'Brain' says, huh? He says send me that picture of you in a bikini...

**bloodraven13:** Let me get this...you are so happy you are going to shove a mouse up my ass? Remind me not to piss you off!

**Darkest Midnight:** Dammit! You gotta give me some material to work with-you didn't even misspell anything. Thanks, though.

**Dannyspudge: **Mate? I hope that means you are an Aussie...

**Matt B.: **Of course he does. It is behind a retractable titanium panel-much better than a cup! (He would be a lot more like Raven if he was lacking...)

**Emmery: **No-please feel free to steal all you want. My lawyer is bored, and needs something to do.

**Devilleader: **I'm gonna give you one last chance. Then I am gonna sic my Beta on you...

**DarkWindingRose: **Yeah, Raven and BB are perfectly suited...Phthhhhpt! Hey, I am a guy-F/F is the ultimate fantasy...

**LESHAY-ISAAC: **Robin is always mad. He doesn't often get angry, though...

**Raven's Girlfriend: **I'm glad you found them funny. Please peek all you like, and please, do not ever 'shut up,' I need to hear from people like you. I do not flirt! Now when are you gonna send me your darn phone number!

**N.C. PsyChick: **Ooooh! I like dominant women! Send me your fuckin' picture! Please. Don't hurt me...too much...

**DeMoN4EvA:** Don't be sad, Vinnie loves you. Naw, I don't read Manga, but I read palms! Hey, I can respect that you like M/M, but I don't bend that way...

**digitalgirlie:** What! You just like the story, and not me? Sigh...

**Terra Logan: **Yeah, they told me I was very intelligent-and look at me now. I KNOW you did not mean to say that reading my stories means you are unintelligent-so I forgive you. And TT was targeted at twelve year olds, so you see-you are more mature than you thought. Don't listen to anyone's assessment of you-except mine, of course.

**Quite-a-shame: **Thank you! A compliment from someone I have insulted means a lot. But what exactly does it mean...?

On to the fun!

The new, improved, exciting chapter entitled:

**'Wanna See My Tennis Racket?'**

**...OFF...TO...THE...MOVIES...WITH...BB...AND...RAVEN...**

Me: "That's okay, BB-I can fly by myself, I don't need you to carry me..."

Thought: 'Did you miss the part about not touching me...especially there...!'

Beastboy: "Uh huh huh...sorry, Rae."

Thought: 'Everyone thinks I am so dumb-but I'm not! Wait-yes, I am-crap-.'

Beastboy: "Sooooo-what are we going to see?"

Me: "We are going to see the latest Star Trek flick-'Son of Tribble."

My Thought: 'Terrifying in concept-but not scary-no excuse for veggie-man to grab me...again..."

Beastboy: "But dude! How can you tell which one is the rabid Tribble, and which one is Shatner's rug?"

Thought: 'I hope she at least lets me sit in the same row with her, this time...'

**...A short flight later...Downtown, at the old Bijou cinema...**

Beastboy: (Horrified, eyes wide.) Noooo!

Thought: 'Gaaakk!'

Beastboy: You can't be serious! You don't want _anything?_ No Skittles; no seven layered popcorn with triple salt? No-(sniffle)-chocolate?

My Thought: 'Lovely picture, that-grey skin with zits.'

Me: "You know what? There is something I would like: get me a bottled water."

**...T...I...M...E...After...T...I...M...E...**

Me: "Lets sit in the back, so we won't get hit with 'food,' as you call it..."

My Thought: '-thrown by people with your juvenile sense of humor-'

Beastboy: "Ummm-so is it-"

Thought: 'Just go, pussy!'

Me: "Yes, you can sit by me. Right next to medonottouchme!"M

My Thought: 'Touch me-hold my hand; sneak your arm around me; grab my...Hey! Cut that shit out! Lust, I am gonna kick you ass!

Lust-Raven: 'You know you want it.'

Happy-Raven: 'Love-isn't it wonderful?'

Despair-Raven: 'He probably won't do anything anyway-he doesn't really like me...'

Hate-Raven: 'Hey-I wanted popcorn!'

Bored-Raven: 'Who picked this 'thrilling' movie?'

Smartass-Raven: 'Ask dumbass, over there...'

Bookworm-Raven: 'It makes perfect sense: we don't want him to-er-touch us-'

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Yes, we do!'

Me: (I think) "Just shut the hell up, already! Okay! Groping! Fine-blow up the whole fucking universe, for all I care! Just get back in your fucking hole! You're perverted! Damn you! Leave-me-alone!"

Beastboy: (In falsetto voice.) "Um-should I go away, now...?"

Thought: 'Shit! She's gonna kick my ass, and I didn't even do anything! I didn't even think anything yet, honest!'

Me: "I was just thinking out loud-it's okay, BB."

My Thought: (exerting a little mental 'suggestion') 'And all the rest of you voyeuristic freaks in the theatre-turn around. Yes, that's right-obey, or suffer horrible damage to your cerebellum. Yes, Paul Reubens, you too-and George Michael... ."

Beastboy: "Eeeeek!" William Shatner's head is being eaten by the Tribble!"

Thought: 'You just grabbed her arm, stupid. Say goodnight, dick...'

Me: "It's okay, B. I think my 'emotions' are going to behave themselves tonight."

My Thought: 'Mmmm-nice gloves-go for it.'

Beastboy: (Draping his arm around Raven.) "Hey! I didn't do that-I swear-my arm just did it on it's own!"

Thought: 'Please, Gd: I didn't even get my scooter yet...'

Me: "Yeah, funny how arms can sometimes do that..."

My Thought: '-when I want them to.'

Me: "Do you want to kiss me, BB? "

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Yesssssssss!'

Beastboy: (In falsetto voice.) "Ummm-yes?"

Thought: 'Oh yeah-that sounded very manly, sheila.'

Me: "Well?"

My Thought: 'But don't you dare grab my-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Scorrrrrre!'

Bookworm: 'Ibelieve that plebian vernacular is generally reserved for the actual consummation of the sexual act...'

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Shut the hell up!'

Me: "You do know that is not my shoulder, right?"

My Thought: 'Did he really do that-hmmmm? Maybe there's hope for him after all.'

Me: "Well-are you going to kiss me, or are you content with just with just groping my breast?"

Beastboy leaned in and his lips met mine... .

My thought: 'Finally! Umm, he's pretty good at this...'

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'WooHoooooo!'

Beastboy's thought: 'WooHoooooo!'

Me: (Breaking Beastboy's death-grip liplock.) "Whew! That was-really-nice, 'Beast.'"

My Thought: '...go Beast: mm-hmm...'

Beastboy: (Tears welling in his eyes.) "You-you called me 'Beast'. Not Beast_boy-_just 'Beast.' Did you mean that?"

Thought: 'Raven, I love you! I'll tell her! Even if she does kick my ass!'

Beast: "Raven-uh-I-uh-I-wanna tell you-Raven, I L..."

Me: (Covering his mouth with my hand.) "Shhh. I know. Just kiss me, okay?"

My Thought: 'Let's just see if you can earn your new name, okay?'

**>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>B A C K A T T H E T O W E R>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>**

Me and Beast got home a little late. Robin was still watching TV, and hitting himself in the face with his tennis racket.

Robin: "Ouch! Hey! You guys are home late-have a good time?"

Thought: 'Duh! Even Starfire could figure out what that shit-eating grin on Beastboy means...'

Me: "Uh-huh."

My Thought: 'giggle.'

Beastboy: "Yeah. We're heading up. Tired. Later."

Thought: 'I am sooo cool...heh-heh.'

We made our way to my bedroom, past the scattered remnants of Cyborg's and Starfire's clothes.

Me: (Kissing Beastboy) "'Night, Beast."

Beastboy: "You mean like, 'night,' as in you go to your room, and I go to my room?"

Thought: 'Thank you, Gawd.'

Me: "Yes, I think my emotions have had enough for one night, okay B?

My Thought: 'Sounds plausible, right? Besides the fact you look like you're about to hurl, my little green virgin...'

**...D...O...W...N...S...T...A...I...R...S...**

Doorbell: "Ding-dong!"

Robin: "Ouch! Wha-who is that?"

Thought: 'Bruce would probably kick Cyborg's ass...'

Robin answered the door. It was a tall, slender woman dressed in business attire. Quite attractive, too, judging from 'whitey's' reaction...

Sherry: "Hi. Sorry I'm so late. I got lost driving to the docks..."

Thought: 'No wonder they call him 'Wonderbread.''

Robin: (Staring stupidly.) "Uhhh..."

Thought: 'She must want someone else...'

Sherry: "You don't remember? I'm from the Daily News? You said you would give me an interview?"

Thought: 'This will be thrilling, I see...I thought he was the smart one?'

Robin: "Oh! Yes! Now I remember. Please, come in-make yourself at home."

Thought: 'Training! Come on-you know how to do this!'

Robin: "Can I get you a drink, Sherry?"

Sherry: "Do you have a Perrier water?"

Robin: "Coming right up!"

Thought: 'Hmm...she has refined taste-like me...'

**...C...Y...B...O...R...G...'s...R...O...O...M...**

Starfire: "Oh dear. I do not have the ritual smoke-producing devices for the after-sex."

Cyborg: "Uh-they do that in the movies, Star, but you and I don't smoke..."

Thought: '...unless you count the overloads on my circuits...'

Starfire: "Well, then, If we are not to perform smoking rituals, may we have more sex now?"

Thought: 'Ooooh-but I thought you were 'smoking'...'

Cyborg: "Uh-okay?"

Thought: 'Geez-I've created a monster!'

**...H...O...U...R...S...L...A...T...E...R...(Not in Cyborg's Room)...**

Robin: (Typing on his laptop) "See here Sherry-I've got all the info on Slade cross-referenced to dates, associations with other criminals, crime scenes..."

Thought: 'She gets it! Cool!'

Sherry: (Typing on her laptop) "Oooh-I've been working on an analysis of all my spreadsheet data on the criminals of Jump City. Slade is my favorite subject! See, I have over 492 seperate entries on him alone...!"

Thought: 'He's good!'

Robin and Sherry, simultaneously: "Maybe we could exchange data-"

Thoughts: 'Ohhhhh!'

Robin: (Blushing) "Sherry? Uh-would you like to go to dinner tomorrow, and discuss merging databases...?"

Thought: 'Hee hee-I said 'merging'...'

Sherry: (Blushing) "I would love to! Oh-but, I...I don't want to lead you on...I really like you, and want to work with you-but I have no interest whatsoever in sex..."

Thought: '...this is the part where he ditches me...'

Robin: "Really? I have absolutely no interest in sex, either! That's great! Wanna be my new girlfriend? It will be cool! We can have fun, hold hands, share our work...and no kissing, or sex!"

Thought: 'Pleaseeeee...?'

Sherry: "Oh wow! We are so, like, totally compatible! I think I love you, Robin-in a totally non-sexual way, of course."

Thought: 'maybe he'll let me hit him with the tennis racket? Oooh! That makes me almost feel horny-in a non-sexual way, of course...'

Robin: "Cool! Wanna see my tennis racket?"

Thought: 'She is so cool, I could almost imagine kissing her without throwing up...'

Sherry: (Holding Robin's tennis racket tenderly) "Robin...may I?"

Thought: 'eeeeeee!'

Robin: "Hey-go ahead. It's better to have someone else smack my face with a tennis racket-it's so much more humiliating that way!"

Thought: 'Man-she is so hot! And she wants to hurt me! I am so lucky!'

My thought: 'I think I may be scarred for life... And I thought I was fucked-up? Maybe I should go jump Beast-what the hell. Even if I destroy the whole tower, BB will die happy; Cy and Star won't even notice, and the two sadomasochist-nerds will probably get off on it... .'

_Brain: Wait till they see what's next!_

_Vin: Hey stupid-I don't have any more written yet; how am I gonna stall them?_

_Brain: Tell them you are waiting to get more phone numbers, and pictures of girls in their undies... _

Vin: Oh yeah-like they'll fall for that...

Just review, if you ever hope to shut up 'brain.' And justgive the Rabbit his freakin' Trix, already!


	8. Spanky, Fumbling, Welding Equipment

This is it! The last chapter! (Please don't kick my ass.) I am too tired to write anything clever here, so on to the '**Props**!'

**DarkWindingRose**: Anywhosits doesn't come around anymore. It's just me now, 'Brain' scared him off. Is that 'interesting,' as in 'disturbing,' or as in 'what the hell are you doing, here?'

**Raven's Girlfriend**: I love you too! Wanna see my boxing gloves? Sorry, but if BB kissing Rae normally disturbs you...you may hate this chapter-don't hurt me...too much...

**...Woohoo!...**

**Special Award to Raven's Girlfriend, for outstanding supporing role in keeping the author interested in this story!**

Respectful, unlike some of you

Anna is her name, (if you believe that.) her reviews are

Very tasteful. She has

Eclectic taste in music.

Not crazy, although

She has two muses

Girlfriend, you are the bomb! I mean it!

...More Props...

**Malcore Xan'thex**: Does that mean you do not understand me, or that everyone else thinks I am a retard, but will call me a genius after I am dead?

**Numbah half way hell**: Thanks for being so kind. Yes, I understand. 'Brain' says he's gonna kick your ass, though...

**gosscliff**: Thanks, I have to admit-I thought the last chapter was the funniest, too.

**Quite-a-shame**: Ooooh! Another almost-unrestricted outburst of praise! 'Brain,' get him...

**devilleader:** 'Beta' is my man-eating hamster. Dude, you don't even remember the question, do you?

**CeeJTanK**: Uh...thanks-I think? What scares you-me or the story? Muahhahahahahaha...

**SaintH:** Robust thanks! I learned a new expression! (That means it doesn't suck, right...?) What is it with you and Will Smith?

**LASHAY-ISAAC**: What? That's it? Were you laughing too hard to write more?

**Darkest Midnight**: Brain: You are so dead, punk! Vin: Ha ha, just kidding...need any help with that 'humiliation' thing? I have tennis rackets, and baseball bats-the wood kind!

**N.C. PsyChick**: Ooooh-you have potential! Keep reading, I think you will like this one...

but understand-if you 'go Raven' on me, it may not have the desired effect (I will probably adore you.)

...Insert story here

On to the last, and most understated (hee hee, I am such a liar) chapter of all!

**'Spanky,' Fumbling in the Dark, and Welding Torches.**

...NEXT...MORNING...AT...BREAKFAST...

Cyborg limped down to breakfast, to find Robin and Sherry asleep on the couch, leaning against each other, laptops still at the ready.

Cyborg: "Hey BB, check this!"

Thought: 'Hee hee-prank time..."

Beastboy: "Where's my camera?"

Thought: 'Dude-blackmail ammunition!'

Cyborg: "I got a bucket of water...heh heh."

Thought: 'If you want a really good picture...'

Me: "Probably not a good idea, boys."

My thought: '...would be amusing, though...'

Starfire: "What is the purpose of the bucket of water?"

Thought: 'Perhaps I should get the hose?'

Beastboy: "See Star, you put their hands in water, and it makes them, uh..."

Thought: '...gonna be so great...'

Cyborg: "Piss their pants! Hee Hee!"

Thought: 'Then I'll blame it on greenie...'

Starfire: "That does not sound very kind."

Thought: 'amusing, however...'

The water was positioned. As soon as BB tried to move Robin's hand, however, he was grabbed by the throat.

Robin: (Grinning broadly.) "Hah! I'm a light sleeper. Nice try dillweed."

Thought: 'Shit-really lucked out, there.'

Sherry: (Awakening sleepily.) "Oh, good morning 'Spanky.'"

Robin: (Blushing furiously.) "Agghhhh! Misstre-I mean, Sherry!"

Thought: 'I should just kill myself now...'

Beastboy and Cyborg: (ROFL) "Heeheehee-'Spanky'-hahahahahaha!"

My thought: 'Have to admit, that was probably better than the water bit...'

Starfire: "I do not understand. Who is 'Spanky?' And why is this so funny?"

Thought: '...and if anyone says I am dumb, I shall kick his ass!'

Me: "She called him 'Spanky,' because last night, these two..."

Robin: (Executing flawless death-glare aimed at Raven.)

Me: "Uhhhh-Let's go to my room, Star."

Thought: 'hmmm...or maybe...stupid 'Beast' fell asleep before I even got back upstairs, last night...'

...MY...ROOM...

Starfire: "Oh, I see. The 'Spanky' refers to Robin's submission to torture administered by the Miss-Tress?"

Thought: 'Hmmm...I think I would enjoy Miss-Tressing friend Cyborg. I must learn how to operate the welding torch...'

Disturbing. I tried a subtle approach.

Me: "Star-you're such a sweet girl. You wouldn't want to hurt anyone like that, right?"

My thought: 'Aaaaaahh! Lame!'

Starfire: "Of course not, silly."

Thought: 'I am so glad friend Robin explained lying to me.'

Starfire: (Giving me an unexpected, big, sloppy kiss!) "Thank you for explaining the 'water trick,' and the 'Spanky,' and the glorious 'Miss-Tress' of domination of the male of the species."

My thought: 'Sorry, Cy. Shit! Next time 'party girl' kisses me like that...Bang! Zoom! To the Moon, Alice! Grrrrr! Where the hell is my 'Beast-toy'?'

...IN...THE...KITCHEN...

Beast: "But Raven-I'm hungry!"

Thought: '-and you're scary.'

Me: "We are going to my room, for a nice long /cough/ talk."

Thought: '...and I am all ears-Muahhahahahahaha!'

...MY...ROOM...WHEEE!...

Me: "Put it in, Beast! Hurry!"

Beast: "I can't! It's too dark-I don't know where it is!"

Me: "Do I have to do _everything_ myself?"

Beast: "You're making me nervous, Rae-just give me a minute, I'll find it..."

Me: "I'm dying, here."

Beast: "Come on, Rae-I've never even seen yours."

Me: "Retard! Just feel around...yeah-right there, that's it."

Beast: "How do I do this?"

Me: "Haven't you ever played with yours in the dark?"

Beast: "Well-yeah..."

(Fumbling in the dark. Subvocalized cursing.)

Beast: "Oh-gross!"

Me: "/sigh/ The other end, genius."

Beast: "Hey! I think I found it!"

Me: "Fine...just get it in, before I fall asleep, okay?"

Beast: "Fine. Be sarcastic. You should have just done it yourself, if you're in such a hurry!"

Me: "You're right. Sorry, babe, I'll do it myself in a minute-just kiss me, okay?"

My thought: 'Make mestop thinking about that Jackie Gleason line...'

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

Beastboy never did manage to get the CD player turned on, but once he started kissing me I forgot all about wanting mood music.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Me: "Do you still respect me, BB?"

Thought: 'Think carefully, 'Lumpy!''

Beast: "Not only do I respect you-I'm still scared to death of you kicking the shit out of me!"

Thought: '...but at least weenies live longer...'

Me: "Love me?"

Beast: "Again?"

My thought: 'Why the hell was it you picked him again, 'Love?''

Love-Raven: 'He's cute!'

Lust: 'He can morph different parts of his body...hee hee'

Hate: 'Let's kill dumbshit now. Hold it! Do you think he can do a horse's-?'

Despair: 'I knew this would suck...'

Booyah: 'How bout we kick your ass again, Rosie?'

Happy: 'I like ponies!'

Smartass: 'Forget the green fuzzy dude-let's kill Happy...'

Bored: 'Who cares? I'm sleepy...'

Lust: 'Noooooooooo!'

Happy: 'Hee hee. Where's Dopey? Hee hee...No! Oww! Stop!'

...DOWNSTAIRS...AGAIN...

Sherry: "Robin-I am so sorry, honey. I'm such a bad girl. I deserve to be punished. You should spank me-spank me until my little bottom is glowing red! Yes!"

Thought: 'Ohhhh...melting...melting...'

Robin: (Grinning evilly.) "You're forgiven...where is my ping-pong paddle...?"

Thought: 'What a girl!'

My thought: 'And Beast thought _I_ was creepy!'

...CYBORG'S...ROOM...

Starfire: (Knocking) "Cyborg-Tantath, open this door!"

Thought: 'Now we shall see who is the smartest-ass!'

Cyborg: "But I'm tired, Star..."

Thought: '...and still sore...'

Starfire smashed Cyborg's door, and entered his room.

Starfire: "Who is the 'Booyah' now, earthworm!"

Cyborg: "What are you doing dressed in leather? And what's with the goggles? And what the hell are you doing with my welding torch!"

Thought: 'Mommie...'

Starfire: (Sparking the oxy-acetylenestream to life.) "Bow down before the Princess Miss-Tress of Tamarainian torture-"

Cyborg: "Is that the broad-diffuser tip you have there? Wow! Nice choice, Star-I mean Misstress..."

Thought: 'She gets it! Cool! Now I got two people to help in the shop.'

My Thought: 'I don't know about you, but this is getting wayyyy too weird for me. This is not right. We don't act like this. Could my mind reading be causing the others to act irrationally?

I'm going to burn my records. We would be run out of town if anyone saw this.

Wha!...oh, Beast...OH! BEAST!...Ahhhhhhhh! Beeeeeeeeast!...ohhhhhhhhh... .

Happy: 'That is _not_ a pony!'

Lust, Hate: 'Yeah-heh-heh-heh...!'

...F...I...N...

See? If you review, you get props! Isn't that worth it? No, really-I'm serious.


End file.
